Better Breakups: A quick guide based entirely on things I’ve messed up (but hey, you don’t have to)

While I know this post has an unncesarily long and slightly awkward title, I left it. Because that’s kind of how breakups make me feel. Trying to get something out I’m not quite sure how to articulate, a little wounded and insecure from the fallout, a little rambly, but very very sure I’m not the only one who’s been here. Very sure there is a moment where things seems smaller than they once did. If you’re not there yet, here’s a few tips for the ride.

1. Feel the feels

I think this should probably be 1-5, because c’mon. It sucks.
Let me say it again: it sucks.
And honestly, in a couple months when you are supposed to have picked up the pieces and moved on, it will still suck.
I’m here to tell you, that’s okay. I realized recently I never learned how to properly process pain, I was always wishing it away or ignoring it (see last post on pain). But pain doesn’t play like that, and like the monsters in the closet, he’s best tackled when looked straight in the face.

I can’t stress enough the importance of crafting time into your schedule to feel the feels in a place and time where it’s safe. Work crying is not the move (God bless my past and future bosses), so sit, weep, and pray. Being vulnerable with yourself is a discipline, and one that keeps the gremlins from growing into something very scary.

2. Don’t burn bridges at midnight

In a heartbroken moment it’s easy to make decisions that can’t be undone. It’s easy and likely justified to say, do, express the worst things-to take a match to what you’ve spent months, maybe years investing your heart coins into. If you’ve been hurt, you know that deep desire for the world to see the flames. This time you’re the arsonist, and you won’t go down that easy. But hear me when I say, it’s not their fire to watch burn, and while it may feel better in the late night moments to lash out, don’t. Breathe instead. Rest.

3. The only one who really scores on a rebound is Lebron

Whatever your motivation, I get it. You want to numb, forget, feel better, ignore, prove to yourself that you’re okay-our brains tells us a lot of things that simply aren’t true, and our brains on sad juice are even more of a liar. You may think you can control the aftermath, and in the wake of an unexpected breakup you are probably thirsty for control, but let me tell you something I read from Jenna B (now Carver) a few years ago. People aren’t things, and you can’t keep them. You don’t get to control them, so don’t hurt/use someone else because you feel hurt. It only ices your cake of late night regrets.

4. Master the art of the Breakup Glo-Up *sparkle emoji*

If you’ve ever seen that Twitter meme of Demi Lovato from Disney Channel beside now Demi that reads, “Your girl when y’all were together v. when you broke up” just know it makes me audibly laugh and well, enough said.

5. Give yourself some grace

This is BY FAR number ONE on the list, and I only put it here because this has to be the afterthought. This has to be the final voice in you head when you lay down on your pillow. When the thoughts, the blame, they ugly lies are flowing through the outgoing bins of your brain only to be stamped and mailed straight into your heart- give yourself some grace. It’s okay. You did great. No time has been wasted, it’s all a part of the beauty that’s you, even this.
I truly believe (and partly hate) that the best opportunity we have to look like Jesus is when we’ve been hurt. And the best time to walk out grace is when we’ve clearly hurt someone else. You can do this, and you can do it well.
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